By Stacy lee kong

Admittedly, I’m not a big TV watcher, but I do love the concept of a comfort show. You know those series people watch over and over again, not just because they love the characters or the plot, but also because the act of watching the show itself is soothing? I know lots of people who always go back to Gilmore Girls, The Office and other early 2000s faves, even though there is so much new TV to watch. In fact, that’s kind of become a meme. But turns out, there’s actually a scientific explanation for why so many people have a comfort show. I recently chatted with Dr. Alexandra Gold, a licensed clinical psychologist and clinical fellow in psychology at Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, to understand the science behind this type of TV-watching. Dr. Gold treats patients and researches mood disorders across different populations and “through that work, you learn a lot about what people like and what allows them to we call self-soothe,” she says. One very common tactic? Watching a comfort show. Read on for her explanation of what makes a show comforting, what goes on in our brains and bodies when we watch this way and why so many people need a comfort show (or two) right now.

Let’s start be defining our terms: What exactly is a ‘comfort show’?

It's something that people turn to because it reliably provides a sense of comfort, of relief, of destressing, of peace of mind. It's something that helps people self-soothe.

And what does self-soothing mean?

Self-soothing is a concept that comes from something called dialectical behaviour therapy, which is based on cognitive behavioural therapy, which is a broader type of therapy. Self-soothing is essentially a form of regulating your emotions when you fee really intensive negative feelings, such as stress, anxiety, low mood, by using your different senses. So, engaging with sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch can help your feel decreased negative emotions. Television shows are a very common form of self-soothing; it falls in the sight category and helps relieve emotions, especially when it's a show that has certain qualities.

What are those qualities? That is, what makes a show comforting as opposed to just entertaining?

I think something can be comforting and entertaining! But predictability is one of the major domains that cuts across all of the comfort shows. Right now in our worlds, there's so much unpredictability, because of the pandemic as well as current events, and unpredictability is very scary for many people. So, there's something about watching a show that you know. You connect with the characters in some way, you know what’s going to happen next—the act of watching the show itself is soothing, but because you know what's going to happen, there's not that stress of uncertainty. There’s also a cognitive aspect. When you watch a show you already know, you don't have to learn a whole cast of characters and settings; it's less overwhelming for the brain.

This makes so much sense. Your answer also makes me think of two things: First, when I think about regulating my own emotions, I tend to think of more ‘traditional’ therapeutic practices, like box breathing or the 5-4-3-2-1 method of grounding yourself. So, the idea of watching TV as a legit way to regulate your emotions is kind of surprising. And that’s related to the second thing, which is that sometimes watching comfort shows, or just TV in general, can feel very passive.

I think that's a really good distinction. That was one of the things I want to talk about, too—the nuance with watching shows, because it's not just anytime you watch a show, check, you’re self-soothing. When I'm using the term self-soothe, that’s in the context of this very researched therapy modality. I'm referring to it as a more active intentionality. It’s like, ‘I'm going to watch this show because I'm feeling this way. I'm going to devote 30 minutes to watching this show, because it really helps me feel better, and if I'm still not feeling good after that 30 minutes, maybe I watch another 30 minutes.’

I'm not referring to the passive kind of TV-watching where it’s just on in the background. Something I’m really mindful of with my patients is, when someone is feeling depressed, they might have an urge to withdraw and just do nothing because nothing feels enjoyable. So they might just have a show on in the background passively, because that's all that they maybe feel up for doing, which is totally valid. But that’s not what I mean. In that case, it's like, ‘Okay, why am I watching the show? Is it because I really intentionally want to relax? Or is it because I'm feeling really depressed and avoiding?’

Watching a comfort show is more intentional; it’s actually a mindful watching.

What’s actually happening in our brains and bodies when we experience familiarity like this?

In general, when we do something that we enjoy, certain chemicals are released in our brain, and dopamine, which helps us feel good, is one of them. That's one piece. Our brains also tend to make patterns and associations. So, if there's a time in your life that you have positive memories of because of what you were doing at that time, routines with your family or friends, you might make a positive association between that time in your life and a show that you were watching at that time. So, that positive time in your life becomes paired with this show, which adds to that positivity feeling.

We also know that when people relax and feel calm, there is more activation of their parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of our nervous system that relaxes us. It’s the opposite of the fight or flight. So, when someone's feeling anxious or stressed, their fight or flight, or their sympathetic nervous system, is active. When you self-soothe, you relax and your parasympathetic nervous system is active and your heart rate slows down, your breathing slows down.

I see a lot of people talking about shows from the early 2000s as their comfort shows—New Girl, Gilmore Girls, The Office, Parks and Rec. Going back to what you said about positive associations, am I just more tuned into what millennials find comforting because I’m a millennial, or is there something about those shows that feel comforting regardless of your age?

I think another piece of comfort shows is the nostalgia aspect. And I don’t think it’s just about what’s in the show, which can be appealing or nostalgic for whatever reason because of that personal connection. I think it’s also the memories associated with watching that show, because the way we consume television now is very different than back in the day. I'm also a millennial, and I’m thinking about the tradition around certain shows; my family might have watched a certain show every Friday night. It wasn't like, go on Netflix and it's available. So I think there is that aspect of what you were doing in that time of your life, and the routine and memories around the show that make it very comforting for people. I wonder with Gen Z, as they grow up, if shows will have that same appeal. That's an unanswered question, because we consume media differently now.

This isn’t a new concept, but I feel like we’re talking about comfort shows more right now. Is that your sense, and if so, why do you think that is? (I feel like the economic, political and social reality of our lives is… um, not great for a lot of people, so maybe that helps explain this?)

I definitely think people need it more right now. There's so much going on, so much unpredictability, so much that we don't know about what's next for a lot of people. And because of that, having something that is reliable can be really comforting for people. And it doesn't just have to be a show. I think that's the important piece. In fact, I think it's great if it's not just a show.

Building on that, how do you know when you might need something more than a rewatch of your comfort show?

Like, what are the signs that maybe it's not the best decision to keep watching the show? Ask yourself why you are watching. Is it because you're avoiding? Is it because you're procrastinating? That’s another thing to be aware of; sometimes people watch shows instead of doing the things that they need to get done. There's also research on shows helping with loneliness for people, because people form relationships, so to speak, with these characters. So, is the show replacing real-life social connection? Is this because something is missing in my life? Is this more of a passive watching, not an active watching? And, are you watching comfort shows in moderation, or is it seven days a week, all day, to use an extreme example.

I do think these are things to be aware of and to talk to a therapist if that’s the case. Or, if you notice that in a friend or family member, opening space up for them to talk about it.

Do you have a comfort show?

I like Gilmore Girls a lot. Do you have one?

I'm actually very overwhelmed by the amount of TV out there, so I don’t watch a lot of it unless I’m writing about it or commenting on it. I read a lot, and I’ll often re-read my favourite books. But I think my comfort thing is actually music—I listen to a lot of ‘90s hip hop and R&B, and this conversation is making me realize that part of the appeal is that I know all the words and what songs I love and which I can skip. Plus, I heard them for the first time when I was a kid, which felt like a simpler time.

That makes complete sense to me. Because I think everyone that's that's the that's also like that piece of like what goes on for people in their bodies, like it's just so it's such a unique experience for everyone.

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